Kurt cries again that night. But it’s not the horrible, heart-wrenching sobs that leave his eyes red and sore and his whole body drained like the weeks before. He cries because, for the first time in weeks, he’s actually happy. He doesn’t have to keep up the facade of a forced smile he’s been putting on for Rachel, he doesn’t have to tell himself that he’s happier without Blaine because of what he did—even though he knew he never really was—he’s wearing his first real smile in almost two months and his heart feels a hundred times lighter for it.
It still aches, deep in his chest, but he doesn’t feel sick to his stomach anymore at the thought of Blaine. He knows he’s not ready to forgive him yet, he was honest about that, but he thinks he will forgive him now, and the idea of spending Christmas with Blaine makes his heart fill with warmth as he grins into his knees where they’re tucked up to his chest.
He misses Blaine being his boyfriend—as much as he didn’t want to admit it to himself—but he misses him being his best friend more than anything. He loves Rachel but her constant bouncing back and forth on her feelings towards Brody have been exhausting, especially without Blaine to vent to.